Posted on 2009.07.08 at 10:22
Bursting with happiness is the only way I can describe how I've felt these past few days... a happiness checked by my sympathy for those grieving around me. Nana is in heaven now- singing, happy, and whole. Though I miss her so much, I can't help but be joyful that she is no longer suffering. She is finally getting rewarded for the good life that she led. She will always be in our hearts, but we don't have to mourn like those without hope. We will see her again. I know that I will have good days and bad days while missing her, but overall I have a lasting contentment knowing she is with God.
While everything seems to be collapsing around us (our beloved grandmother has passed away, and my uncle's sister's life was tragically cut short), we don't have to mourn like the world around us. We are free to believe we will see each other again in a place where there will be no more tears and no more death.
We are finally completing the paperwork to bring our little boy home. And though I am disappointed he will never get to meet his great grandmother in this lifetime, I can share with him how great she was. And she would be comforted to know we will be teaching him about Jesus- an opportunity he may have missed out on if we weren't able to adopt him.
We're bringing you home soon, Eli! It won't be long now.
Posted on 2009.07.03 at 14:16
I've been thinking a lot about Heaven these days, which isn't surprising. I can't help but wonder what my grandmother is doing right now and how amazing everything must be. In the book I mentioned earlier, Adopted for Life, it also talks about Heaven. Read these words about his own experience rescuing his boys from the awful Russian orphanage they were in:
"When Maria and I at long last received the call that the legal process was over, and we returned to Russia to pick up our new sons, we found that their transition from orphanage to family was more difficult than we supposed....
They'd never seen the sun, and they'd never felt the wind. They had never heard the sound of a car door slamming or felt like they were being carried along a road at 100 miles an hour. I noticed that they were shaking and reaching back to the orphanage in the distance...
I whispered to Sergei, now Timothy, 'That place is a pit! If only you knew what's waiting for you - a home with a mommy and a daddy who love you, grandparents and great-grandparents and cousins and playmates and McDonald's Happy Meals!' But all they knew was the orphanage. It was squalid, but they had no other reference point. It was home.
The trauma of leaving the orphanage was unexpected to me because I knew how much better these boys' life would soon be. I thought they knew too. But they had no idea. They couldn't conceive of anything other than the status quo. My whispering to my boys, 'You won't miss that orphanage,' is only a shadow of something I should've known already. Our Father tells us that we too are unable to grasp what's waiting for us- and how glorious it really is. It's hard for us to long for an inheritance to come, a harmonious, Christ-ruled universe, when we've never seen anything like it."
It's so easy to get caught up in all the little details of today without remembering that there is a Tomorrow, much more beautiful and perfect than we can possibly imagine. It's so easy for me to be so focused on the worries and fears I have of losing Elijah rather than to have an eternal perspective- it's all about the gospel. Jesus died on the cross because of my worry and fear. Those worries and distrust are just as offensive to God as a lifetime of prostitution, of premarital sexual activity, of lying and cheating others. Just when I begin to think, 'I'm not that bad, at least I do such and such,' I remember I have been so fixated on this temporary life that I have neglected to invest in the eternal life to come.
We have a lot of time before Eli gets here to prepare our hearts for his arrival. But we shouldn't just be readying ourselves for Elijah and the change he is going to bring to our lives, we should also be getting ready for Heaven. We need to take this time we have to remember why we're here- to bring glory to God, and to become more like His Son.
Posted on 2009.06.28 at 08:59
My amazing grandmother passed away this past Tuesday. I still can't believe she's gone. Most of the time it doesn't seem real. I don't know how long it will take for it to really hit me. If I hadn't seen her suffering the last few days of her life, I probably wouldn't believe she had actually died. She was so full of life and joy. It just doesn't seem fair. I'm glad she's not in pain anymore, but I feel so sad for my grandfather and the rest of my family.
On the adoption front... we changed our agency for various reasons. I won't explain it online where everyone can read it. But now we're going with Adoption Assistance, Inc. in Danville, Kentucky. We feel good about the decision and we sent in our initial application on Thursday. We've already spoken with our new facilitator and she seems very nice. I'm excited to work with her.
It has been so fun watching Shelby get more and more excited about this adoption. He used to say he was looking forward to it, but that he wasn't ready right now. Now he talks about it more and more and has gotten more and more involved in the process. I wouldn't want it any other way. He's going to be a great father. Just watching him play with Abigail Vedro has been so touching.
It has been said that adoption is more like a marriage than a birth: two (or more) individuals, each with their own unique mix of needs, patterns, and genetic history, coming together with love, hope, and commitment for a joint future. You become a family not because you share the same genes, but because you share love for each other.
Joan McNamara
Posted on 2009.06.22 at 15:22
I have spent the last three days visiting my grandmother's bedside. My own mortality, as well as that of my dear friends and family, is even heavier on my mind than it was before. We're each given this one life to live, and only we can make it count. It is inspiring to see my 81-year-old grandmother fight to stay alive for her husband of 62 years. She has lived a rich, full life. She has been a spiritual leader and example to so many. If she hadn't raised her children to know God, I might never have known Him. I hope God uses me like that.
Although I have many regrets in my life, I'm happy with where we're at right now. I couldn't feel more at peace about this adoption, about our marriage, and about our future lives together. And it feels good to know my faith is definitely going to be stretched and expanded during this next year. I was content with my walk with God during our first two years of marriage- but this past year I haven't been, which is great. My passion for God is starting to revive, and I'm seeing the absolute necessity of prayer and knowledge of Scripture. Honestly, this adoption has helped me see the world differently altogether. I've started reading, "Adopted for Life" by Russell Moore, the senior vice president of the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary. It is incredible. The first two chapters or so have blown me away. Allow me to quote a brief passage:
"As I knelt down and hugged my son, I realized how small and shallow and needy I had been when, only a few years ago, I had refused to go with my wife to an adoption seminar. I'd been 'too busy' to go. 'My life's a whirlwind right now, you know,' I'd said to her at the time. But, really, the idea of adoption left me cold. Now, I was pro-adoption, of course, as a social and political matter. But why couldn't we wait and exhaust all the ethically appropriate reproductive technologies before thinking about adoption? I told my wife, 'I don't mind adopting a few years down the road, but I want my first child to be mine.' I can still hear my voice saying those words- and it sounds so small and pitiable and hellish now. How could I have known what it was like to hold this little boy in my arms, and his brother with him, knit together with them by a fatherhood that surpassed my genetic code? How could I have read and preached and lectured through classroom notes on the doctrine of adoption, without ever seeing this? I wasn't evil- or at least, I wasn't any more evil on this score than any redeemed sinner- but I was as theologically and spiritually vacuous as the television 'prosperity gospel' preachers I made fun of with my theologically sophisticated friends."
When Dr. Moore first saw these two boys who were about to be legally his own, they were laying in their own excrement and vomit with their hair matted on their heads. He loved them, right off the bat. There was no biological bond between them, but God gave him a love for these two boys that was instantaneous.
Our lives are short. We will never have time or money to do everything we want to do, but we can do what God is calling us to. He calls each of us to something. He's calling me and Shelby to adoption. What is He calling you to do today- tomorrow- in ten years?
Posted on 2009.06.18 at 08:53
Up until now, I hadn't given much thought to how we were going to afford this adoption. That was one area in which I was walking in complete blind faith, possibly because I just didn't want to think about it. But now we have to. In order to get approved by our agency, we had to send in all kinds of financial information. Our facilitator told us we look like we're in good shape, but we just need to prove we have $25,000 in the bank. Yeah. We don't have $25,000. I shouldn't be surprised about the money. Every website I've looked at has reported the cost of adopting from Korea to be between $20-30,000. I figured most people don't have that kind of money and they still adopt. Which is true, but that's because they get loans or grants given to them. The annoying part? You can't get the money unless your homestudy is completed (which can't be completed unless you get the money). Messed up. That's all I gotta say.
So we're starting to freak out a little. Let me rephrase that. I'm starting to freak out a little. Shelby is handling it in a very godly, patient way. I'm amazed at how he has taken the reins and gotten involved in this. I love that he is the leader of this family. I'm certainly relieved I'm not. We would be living in a one-room shack with about 50 rescued dogs and a bird sanctuary. Yep. That's exactly what our house would look like if I were in charge. I'm so glad it's Shelby. He really believes God is going to bring us this money somehow. Deep down, I believe it too, but it's still a huge test of faith for me.
On a different note, Shelby and I have both started writing children's books. We don't know if they will go anywhere, but they're fun to write. Mostly we're just having fun doing something together, as I admire his writing skills and creativity, and he admires my ... I don't know what. Hopefully something.
We're coming for you, Elijah! We'll jump through whatever hoops it takes to get you. You have no idea what you're in for. :)
Posted on 2009.06.12 at 09:25
Allow me to temporarily misuse this journal as a forum to shamelessly promote my business. :)
I have been beading for as long as I can remember. After years of doing it for fun, I decided to start my own jewelry business. I named it Charming Christine (see much, much earlier post to explain why), and I am using 100% of the proceeds to go directly into our adoption fund. Finally, I have my own website. If you are interested in purchasing a necklace to help support our adoption, go here: http://www.wix.com/amandamay24/jewelry It's a long name, but it was free, so I can't complain.
Each necklace is only $15 (including shipping and handling). If you live nearby and you want to pick it up from my house, the necklaces only cost $10 each. I accept cash, check, or PayPal. It's a great gift idea, especially when you know it's going to a good cause. Okay, I'm done with my commercial.
Here it is, June 12, and it's getting closer and closer to the time we can start our paperwork. I'm actually feeling a little nervous about it. Not in a bad way, just an excited, "this is actually happening" kind of feeling. Will we be ready by the time we get our referral? I hope so! Shelby is planning on building the crib, we need a dresser/changing table, we'll need to start stocking up on hundreds of diapers, we need to find a pediatrician who specializes in international adoptions, etc., etc.
Because the process is so overwhelming and feels never-ending, I am perfectly content enjoying the time Shelby and I have alone right now. I used to feel like I had to have a baby right NOW, but I don't feel the same sense of urgency. I know why. It's because I finally feel the peace of God in my life. I wasn't trusting Him about the adoption. I thought He would give me the desire to adopt, and then not let me do it. Obviously, my view of God can be totally screwed up. He's not an evil tyrant; He loves me and Shelby and He loves Elijah, and He is going to complete this family in the way He chooses. I feel peace knowing this adoption is going to happen and there's really nothing I could do to mess that up. (It's funny, I felt the same peace when I first met Shelby, I just knew there was nothing I could do to drive him away because God meant for us to be together.)
In the meantime, if you want to see some new, adorable Korean boy referrals, check out these websites:
http://inhishands-ouradoptionjourney.blogspot.com/2009/04/our-little-one.html
http://www.12450miles.com/
A poem I wrote for Shelby expresses how I feel just now. It was about abstinence, but I think it applies to waiting for God's timing in everything as well. The poem is about how each of us had to remind the other to wait by saying, "not yet." This is how the poem ends: "'I can wait for you,' he says. 'Are you tired of waiting for me?' For a minute I gaze into his eyes. We both stand still, fingers interlocked. 'Not yet,' I reply."
Posted on 2009.06.08 at 10:17
I've been thinking more and more about what it will be like to have a third person living in our house. Obviously, it will shorten the amount of alone time we now enjoy together. It's scary to make a decision like this; one you know you can't take back once it is made. But even though I know it will change things for a long time between us (at least until we send them off to college!), I don't think I will ever regret this decision.
Movies often portray brides second-guessing their choice, even up to the last minute while walking down the aisle, but I never had that feeling of panic. Marrying Shelby was the best decision I've ever made. I practically dragged my Dad down the aisle, trying to get there faster to be with Shelby, ignoring the slow and steady melody of the piano.
There's still time to change our minds. Unlike a biologial pregnancy, we have the option of backing out if we feel the slightest hesitation. But so far, we haven't. We know God will bring Elijah to us in His time, so there is no use worrying if we are ready or not. Elijah, we know God has planned you to be in our family from the very beginning, and we can't wait to meet you!
Posted on 2009.06.02 at 08:34
Ok, so I know this is a completely unnecessary post, but let me just say that we only have TWO MONTHS until we can get started on everything! I couldn't be more excited. Yes, agencies are continuing to shut down Korean adoptions (at least for first-timers like us), but so far we don't see any problems as long as we get everything done by the timeline we are expecting. If not, we may have to look into another country.
Two months, people (if anyone reads this). Two months. We could be parents this time next year. CRAZY!
Posted on 2009.05.26 at 08:31
As many of you know, my grandmother has been in the hospital since this past Thursday. She's been doing better, but overall it is still a very grave situation. The doctors have already found cancerous lesions on her liver, and think the cancer is already inside. My family is praying for a miracle. I often take prayer for granted, but we've all heard the verse, "The prayers of a righteous man are powerful and effective." I think that's somewhere in James, but I could be wrong. I tend to overlook the absolute power our prayers have. God wants us to ask Him for things. Right now, my family wants peace and no more pain for my grandmother. She has been through so much. Whether that is through Him removing the cancer, or taking her to be with Him, we know our prayer will be answered.
Now that it's so close to the time when we will be starting the paperwork to bring Elijah home, I can't help but selfishly want my grandmother to see her great grandson. But really I should just want her to not have any more pain. Elijah, I hope you are able to meet your great grandmother. But even if you don't, you can know she is an amazing woman. She has raised five wonderful kids who have all grown up to have kids of their own, each one knowing God and involved in His church. She has been married for 62 years to an incredible, godly man. We are lucky to have such a great family.
While my Nana is still living, please continue to keep her in your prayers. She has lived a full life, but we would love to have her around a lot longer.
Posted on 2009.05.20 at 08:59
Today is our three-year anniversary. In some ways, it's definitely hard to believe it's been three years. Our wedding feels like just a few weeks ago. And everything still seems so new and exciting. But in another way, I can't imagine not being married to Shelby. I can hardly remember what it was like to not be married to him. I'm so indescribably happy in our marriage and have never regretted marrying him for a second. It was the best decision I've ever made (which gives me confidence to think I can make good choices). In all honesty, I feel a little sorry for everyone else, because not everyone can be married to Shelby. More and more I've been thinking about how blessed I am. I had these ideas of what I wanted my life to be like, but God gave me so much more.
One sad thing about the date of our anniversary is that it is so close to the anniversary of Olivia's death. Four years ago on May 12, 2005, her life was taken from her. She was just nineteen. God has allowed me to live more than five years longer than she did already. I don't know why, I'm sure I won't know until I go to heaven. But I am thankful for every day He gives me, because it's always one more than I expect or deserve. I miss her so much, but I know I'll see her again.
Every morning, I still wake up smiling, thinking about how close we are to getting you. In just a few short months, we will be starting everything. Who knows- maybe a year from now I will even be holding you.
Last night, I met with a close friend who I haven't seen in many months. It dawned on me (for the first time) that she has also been adopted from South Korea. To me, it felt like yet another confirmation that God has been leading us in that direction. For me to have so many friends who have either been adopted or who are from Korea, it's amazing. So, thank you Jill, for being such a great friend all these years and for being someone I know Eli will look up to.
Posted on 2009.05.13 at 09:07
Elijah, you got your first presents on Mother's Day! How exciting. Your grandmother (we're still brainstorming on a nickname) gave you three cute outfits with bibs and two soft blankets. We have such a great family, I know they're all going to love you. I keep praying this will be our last Mother's Day without you.
It's hard to be without a "real" job right now, especially with so many adoption expenses coming up. I wish I could help out more. But once we can start working on the paperwork, I'm sure I'll be grateful for the time I have to work on it.
Posted on 2009.05.07 at 10:01
For three days in a row, I've been waking up with a big smile on my face. The reason? It's getting closer and closer to the time we can start looking for you. We have finally chosen an agency- Kentucky Adoption Services. So far, I've had a really good experience conversing with them and I have a good feeling about the agency. They are a non-profit, Christian agency. They will partner with Americans for International Aid and Adoption to place a Korean infant boy in our home in Kentucky. I'm so excited about it, I can hardly wait. God has been generously giving me enough patience for each day. Despite hearing of Korean agencies shutting down international adoptions, we still have hope He will keep the agency open long enough for us to welcome Eli into our family. Even though many agencies are shutting down adoptions, we still hear of short wait times for Korean boys (girls are much longer, from what I hear).
That's all the news I have. I'm sure it's much more exciting for me than for other people. I guess this post sets the tone for the rest of this journal- apparently I'm going to post about any news that we have, no matter how small or insignificant it may seem. :)
Posted on 2009.04.23 at 21:27
Although I haven't written as much lately, my thoughts are full of you. More so than ever, I believe. I'm always drawn to the children's section, no matter what store I'm in. I used to gravitate toward clothing for myself, new shoes, makeup... you know, girly things. Now I'm drawn to everything boyish. A tiny pair of navy blue Crocs will, inevitably, send tears falling down my cheeks in seconds. Don't even show me a tractor puzzle or t-shirt that reads, "I dig dirt!" And those miniature tool kits that look exactly like your father's... those are definitely the worst. It's a hurt that is hard for some to understand... like me, before the time grew close to find you. I confess I had little sympathy for women who grieved for their fantasy children, those "discontented, selfish ones," I likely thought. Now I am the discontent one. But, you know, I don't think those women I thought were so idealistic were really that way at all. I should know. I have been around many children- some quite spoiled- and have seen things that would make some never want to become a parent. I've cleaned up more spit up, diapers, and crusty faces than I care to think about (and I've only been doing this for like two months)! Everyone knows that's what comes with the territory. There will be days when I won't know how to discipline, how to balance taking care of you along with taking care of myself and of Shelby, and days when I will simply feel like giving up and taking a long vacation. But then there will be days when I am holding you when you cry, or hearing you speak your first few words, and I will know it's why I'm here. You need a home. And I need you.
God, I can wait. But... how long does it have to be? : )
Posted on 2009.04.13 at 14:21
Yesterday was hard. Everywhere I looked, I could see you running toward me with a big smile on your face. I think about you all the time. Deep down, I guess I was hoping this new job would help me "get it out of my system," as though I needed to just hold a baby for awhile and then I'd get over it. But it really just makes me want you more. Maybe it's a good sign this longing for you has intensified, another confirmation the time is quickly approaching for us to come find you. We could be on a plane this time next year. That's hard for me to wrap my head around sometimes.
I keep thinking about how lucky you will be to have Shelby as a father. I never thought (even in my most romanticized daydreams!) marriage would be this incredible. I know it has only been three years, but we are even closer and happier than when we were dating (the time that is supposed to be the best, according to so many people). I'm crazy about him because he's everything I'm not. He is so confident, patient, generous, content in all circumstances, unswerving in his faith, and again, because this one is huge - he's patient. I'm not like that at all. Even though that is a recurring theme throughout this letter to you, Eli, I still think it's an understatement. When I want something, I want it right now, and I won't wait for it (an echo of my brother Jason's song, Appetite). That's why the patience God gave me to wait for Shelby before marriage is such a big deal. His grace is so evident in my life. I hope it's just as evident to everyone else around me, though that's doubtful.
My heart is aching for you, Elijah. I keep counting the days until August. 109 days to go...
Posted on 2009.04.04 at 13:07
Take advantage of the time we have. That theme has weighed on my mind. So far, I have ordered two sets of crib sheets; shopped online for bedding sets; embroidered a blanket; and purchased Eli's first toy, book and set of pajamas. I've also studied up on what things Eli will most likely be able to do by the time he is 6-10 months old. I'm also fairly certain of which agencies we will end up using. Keeping busy has really helped me not be so anxious. But I have to remind myself not to do everything too early, because I will really need something to occupy my time after we receive the referral and have to wait to travel.
I'm so content with waiting (right now). God has given both of us a peace about everything, which is so against my impatient nature. I think it's because I truly believe He's going to bring Eli to us. I've always felt led to adopt, but lately it's been even more of a "knowing," if that makes any sense. I can almost see the referral pictures in the mail. It feels more real to me than ever before. God called me to adopt more than 12 years ago, but He didn't stop there. He has also encouraged me the whole way.
Elijah, you were loved and needed before you were born. God didn't cause your parents to make the choices they have (or cause the circumstances that pushed them toward adoption), but He knew in advance that you would need a home and, in His goodness, has made that abundantly clear to everyone involved.
Posted on 2009.03.27 at 16:44
Being a nanny pushes me to think about Eli more and more. I think a lot about discipline styles and whether or not I will be a good mother to him. I've also been thinking about the whole "cry it out" method, which I will not be using for him (I probably will for our biological child/children, but not for Eli). There are so many things I will have to do differently for Elijah, since he will need to learn trust when he comes to us. Of course, I don't want to be entirely focused on the fact that he was adopted and not treat him like a normal child, but there are certain things we will have to deal with, like how to discipline him without him thinking we don't love him, how to sometimes leave him with a sitter without him thinking we're abandoning him, and when to run to him when he cries so he doesn't feel neglected. I am going to hold him as much as possible when we first get him so he will learn what trust and unconditional love means.
On a completely unrelated note... I bought Eli's first sheets! They're white with dark blue tractors and other construction equipment. They were about to be sold out everywhere, but I got lucky and bought two fitted sheets. :)
Posted on 2009.03.25 at 14:25
Eli,
I don't know if it's because I'm a nanny now, because I am starting to realize how long this process is going to take, or if it's just a bad week ... but I'm really missing you lately (I think it's possible to miss someone you've never met). Yesterday, against my better judgment, I gravitated toward the children's section at Sears. The tears were automatic. I couldn't help but picture you in each outfit, in each stroller, holding each blanket or toy. I have good days and bad days in this journey to becoming your mother. And right now I feel like it's never going to happen. I know that the wait can be anywhere from six months to two years, but I just want to know exactly when.
Once August arrives, it will be a little easier for me, because I'll at least feel like I'm taking steps toward you. But right now, I'm standing still, and you're so far away. Is this feeling of anxiety and impatience merely a reflection of my character, or does it mean we should be looking in the United States to find you? If we adopted domestically, it would speed up the process. We could even be getting everything ready right now. But I don't feel at ease with that option either. Korea keeps calling me, and so far I have no reason to believe you're not going to be there.
Love,
Your Mother
I was reading a true story about a couple that had considered adoption and had chosen the name "Sam" for their child if they ever decided to have one. They didn't tell anyone about it, but the woman prayed, "God, don't be subtle. You're going to have to drop a baby literally in our laps and tell us he's ours." That's just what happened. A call came from a friend asking if the couple knew anyone wanting to adopt. There was a little boy who didn't have a home. The couple cautiously agreed to meet the boy, and when they arrived, the bassinet had a nametag on it labeled "Sam." God listens to our prayers. If we ask Him to show us and to not be subtle, He answers those prayers. God, if You are going to bring Elijah to us from somewhere else or at another time, please let me know. Don't be subtle, Lord.
Posted on 2009.03.18 at 14:02
Elijah,
I have a new job now. I take care of a little girl (who is younger than you will be when we bring you home). I haven't felt anxious when she cries, because I'm not her mother ... she doesn't have to like me. But when I was holding her today, I kept thinking about how nervous I will feel when I finally get to hold you. You will feel abandoned when your mother gives you up and when your foster mother hands you to me and waves goodbye. Nothing will ever make it okay. I will do my best to give you everything you need, but you will always have a sense of loss. I don't expect to replace your first mother. I just want to be your second one.
Last week, your father and I picked out a toy for you ... a blue striped elephant. We've also been trying to make decisions on how your room will look. It gives us something to work on before you arrive.
We can't wait to add you to our family. The joy you bring us even now, before you are here, has surprised us. I feel overwhelmed that God would bless us so greatly with each other, and one day with you. We haven't done anything to deserve it! I am praying that as God stitches you together in your mother's womb (which is happening right now!), that you will feel a sense of peace. God cares for you. He is giving you a home. He will take care of you.
Love,
Your Future Mother
Posted on 2009.03.06 at 09:46
I'm so embarrassed at my impatience. It was the reason I started this journal to my son, and it is a recurring theme throughout the entire thing. I've always struggled with knowing how to delay gratification, yet whenever I succeed (through God's power), I am blessed so much more than if I went ahead and did things in my own timing. Two entries ago, I actually said I couldn't wait until August to start the paperwork. I didn't stop to think that it's already March. This year has gone by so quickly that five months is going to seem like just a few days. Five months! That's it!
I should be thrilled we only have five more months until we can get things rolling. That should give us enough time to make sure Korea is right for us, to be certain of which agency to use, and to have time to spend together before the baby arrives. Not to mention time to save money for essential baby things we will need. Five months is actually sounding shorter and shorter the more I talk about it. Five months? Can we get everything we need to done by then?
Posted on 2009.02.27 at 10:20
Elijah,
When you read this journal, you may think adoption is entirely my idea and that your father didn't have anything to do with it. I want you to know that your father has been excited through the whole journey. This is a note that he wrote about adoption a few months ago:
I grew up with a best friend that was adopted. It was a known fact to him and myself, but never given a lot of thought because it wasn't a big deal to Nathan or any of his friends. All he or any of us cared about was that he had parents that loved him and if we could build a tree house in the maple tree out back. He doesn't look like his parents, but no one cares. He acts like them sometimes, but most importantly he is Nathan and he turned out just fine. I say all this to show my experience with physical adoption and help you understand my views on it. Based on growing up with Nathan, adoption is pretty cool and I know of no ill side-effects.
My only other experience with adoption is that of a spiritual adoption by Christ. That may sound cliche, but it is a pretty good picture of what Christ has done for us. With no merit of my own, Christ chose me to be his son. I don't look like him or think like him, but I am his son. Sure, I am created in his image, but that doesn't speak to physical characteristics, just the concept of a soul.
That being said, I am all for adoption. Writing this was my idea and my pleasure. I don't talk about it much because I generally don't volunteer information that I feel passionate about for some reason, but I felt I should say I am in full support of our adoption. I will love the child as if he were physically our offspring. I promise to love him just like I promise to love Amanda. He will be my son and our family will be 3, plus 2 dogs and a tank full of fish named after convicts.
Adoption isn't the end as far as I know. We may very well become pregnant and have a little punk kid of our own. Though, knowing the genes going into this child scares me already. :) Preliminary plans we have are to adopt the first child while we are blessed with the income; then have one biologically after that. Who knows, that may change. Adopting is a very compassionate thing to do and we may be called to adopt another. We are prepared to follow the Lord in whatever plans he has for us in this area.
How can you support us? Pray for us that we follow the lead of the Lord. I confidently say at this point, I strongly feel the Lord leading us toward adoption, though I don't yet feel strongly on whether the child should be foreign or domestic - we shall see. Also, please try to encourage Amanda as we work through the decisions we have to make concerning this process. It will be somewhat stressful and probably discouraging at times and we'll both need your encouragement.
Update on my current job situation: It looks like I'm going to be a nanny for a four-month-old girl. I'm looking forward to preparing myself for your coming, Elijah, by changing diapers and feeding bottles. I can't wait for you to get here!
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